Solution
by The Sacred and Profane
Summary: Elena likes someone. Tseng needs a certain woman. Can Reno and Tifa help them out? Tseng/Elena with some ReTi for Queen Alla.
1. Chapter 1

Solution

AN: I own nothing in this story. This is for Queen Alla so enjoy! Please R&R.

Tears trailed from Tifa's face as she watched the conclusion to The Princess Bride. But her own tears paled in comparison to Elena's sobs as she sat beside her, the blond taking a large spoonful of Triple Chocolate ice cream to her mouth. Once the credits had rolled, the barmaid stopped the movie and looked over to her friend, who had nearly finished her second bowl of ice cream.

"Elena...what's wrong?" Elena sniffled a little and hung her head.

"What do you mean? I'm fine," she said softly. Tifa lifted her chin up and shook her head.

"You can talk to me Elena, what's bothering you?" Elena sighed then and looked at the floor.

"It's just you and Reno look so happy together and I want that for myself." Tifa patted her shoulder sympathetically. "But maybe I'm doomed to be alone forever," she said, her sobs threatening to reappear.

"No you're not. I'm sure there's a guy out there just for you."

"There's one I like," Elena said quietly, but Tifa managed to hear it anyway. A smirk upturned her lips, one that would make Reno proud.

"Really? Do tell," Tifa inquired. Elena blushed a little at that.

"No, I'm not telling you because you'll tell Reno and then he'll tease me. Now let's paint our nails or whatever you have planned next."

Tifa sighed but nodded and the two women preceded with their girl's night.

* * *

Reno, on the other hand, was currently at a bar with Tseng and Rude, the red head taking a shot of Wild Turkey before observing his boss.

"So...why'd you decide to come with us tonight Tseng?" The sable haired Turk looked down at the bar counter before answering, a sigh escaping his lips.

"I'm starting to think that my job shouldn't be the full focus of my life. I want to start a relationship with a certain woman, no I need to. Yet I don't know that she'll accept me for who I am."

"So that's why you wanted to come with us? You wanted advice to seduce your crush?" Reno asked, raising an eyebrow.

"To put it succinctly, yes," Tseng said. "I knew it was a bad idea. Maybe I should just head home and get to work on tomorrow's paperwork." Before he could get out of his stool though, Reno's arm wrapped around his neck.

"C'mon boss, we may be Turks but we're not heartless. We'll help you out, right Rude?"

"Affirmative," Rude answered.

"Here's your first bit of advice: loosen up."

"Loosen up? Is there something wrong with my bearing?" At Tseng's reply, Reno rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, you need to stop acting like an icicle all the time. Just act normal, understand?"

"I think I do." But as the time went on Reno could tell that Tseng was out of his element. The man was more used to dealing with paper than he was with people. And the red head was stumped as to break that aspect of his boss. An idea came to him then, leaving a smirk on the Turk's face. Tseng didn't like it one bit.

"What are you planning?"

"Getting drunk will loosen you up," Reno said with all the confidence in the world.

* * *

As Reno dropped his boss off at his apartment, the Turk shook his head. Who knew that Tseng would act like a total maniac when he was drunk? The Wutain had ended up streaking buck naked through the parking lot of the bar before passing out in a fit of giggles.

Reno was at his wit's end. So he went to the one person he knew who always seemed to have the answers: his wife.

Luckily she was still awake by the time he was through the front door. Greeting her with a kiss on the lips, he wrapped his arms around her waist and nuzzled her neck.

"What's wrong?" She knew he only nuzzled her neck when he was worried about something.

"Tseng's dealing with a midlife crisis or something like that. He wants to be in a relationship with, and I quote, a certain woman. So he asked me for advice."

"That was a mistake," Tifa joked. Reno's eyes narrowed but she motioned for him to continue.

"So I went through the basics. You know loosen up and all that jazz but Tseng couldn't compute it. It's like he's one of those whatchamacallit's on that show about the Enterprise you love so much."

"A Vulcan?" Tifa put in.

"That's it. Anyway then I got him drunk. Needless to say, he loosened up alright. But I don't know what to do now. I mean how do you get a guy like Tseng to actually pursue a woman he likes?" Tifa thought for a moment before it came to her.

"I know just what to do," she said. Reno suddenly kissed her and when they broke apart, she looked at him with a questioning gaze.

"Have I ever told you how hot you look when you're smirking like that?"

"No...but I wouldn't mind another kiss," she whispered in reply.

Reno fulfilled her desire with interest.

* * *

The next day, as the sun was drooping below the horizon, Elena opened the door to Seventh Heaven. Tifa had insisted that she come over and have a few drinks. Sitting at one of the stools, she smiled at Tifa.

"What will you have?" Tifa asked.

"I don't know....surprise me." Tifa nodded and went to make the Turk's drink. The bar door opened again and Reno walked in, another person entering behind him. When Elena saw who it was, her eyes widened.

"Ah, there you are Laney! Care to have a drink with me and Tseng here?" Reno asked, sitting beside Elena.

"Reno...I don't think...." but Elena was interrupted by Tifa.

"Reno, leave Elena alone. We're supposed to be going out tonight, remember?" Reno sulked but nodded his head. Tifa then came out from behind the counter and took Reno's arm, dragging him towards the door.

"But Tifa you can't leave me here with Tseng!" Elena cried out, hoping her friend would turn around and come back.

"I'm sorry Elena. Just relax and have fun with Tseng. There's plenty of alcohol to go around. Have a nice night!" And with a wave of her hand, the barmaid had left with her husband. Elena looked over cautiously at her boss, taking in his somewhat agitated expression.

"Tsen-sir, I'm sorry about all this. If you want to leave, go right ahead," the blond murmured.

"I'll stay with you Elena, if you don't mind that is," he replied.

"I don't mind," she said softly. The female Turk met his eyes then but quickly looked away, downing her shot of whiskey in one gulp. It burned her throat something fierce and her thoughts started to get fuzzy.

"Ts-Tseng...I feel...feel...kinda...hot," Elena slurred out. Tseng's eyes were widening by the second, reaching their maximum limit when Elena reached out and grabbed his wrist. "Something wrong Tsengy Wengy?" Tseng bolted behind the counter and quickly mixed himself a drink, not caring or noticing what concoction he put together.

Returning to Elena, he sat down beside her. Finishing his own drink in an instant, he noticed that there were now two Elena's staring at him with a dopey grin on their faces.

"Yur all pink," they murmured. Tseng gave them his own goofy grin and reached out a hand to move some of the blonds' bangs that had fallen in front of their eyes. But his hand dropped to the counter with a crash before he could even go halfway.

Both Turks started to laugh at that.

* * *

Reno stared at his two inebriated coworkers before turning to his wife who was pressed against the back wall.

"What did you do to them?"

"I just cast a harmless spell that makes any alcohol they drink forty times as potent. It's non lethal, don't worry," she added quickly.

"So your big plan was to get them together and drunk?"

"Yeah, it'll work. I mean how do you think we got together?" Reno shook his head.

"Babe, we didn't...or did we? I can't remember for some reason," the Turk said. Tifa just chuckled and gazed into her bar.

* * *

Tseng was now standing on the counter, his chest was bare and Elena was whooping at the top of her voice.

"Tsengy shake your little tush on the catwalk, HIC!" Tseng started to do as Elena ordered, his butt swaying side to side. It wasn't graceful by any means given his drunken state but Elena could care less as she cheered him on. Tseng smirked and struck a pose but he lost his footing then and ended up falling on Elena, knocking both of them to the ground.

"Laney, you HIC okay?" Tseng asked. A belch was what he got in reply, laughter soon following that.

"You should've seen your face...you were all AHHH and I was like WOAH and then we were like...YO!" the blond yelled out, giggles dripping from her lips. Tseng laughed as well and soon got up before looking down at Elena, hands grabbing her wrists. His face moved closer and he stared into her eyes.

"Your so pretty..." he whispered, a hiccup following his confession. Elena's cheeks were red and not just from the alcohol.

"Th-thanks Tseng...I think your very sexy myself...wanna kiss?" Tseng nodded and their lips met.

Whether it was the euphoria both felt at releasing the passion they had bottled up for so long or their drunken states of mind, eventually the two passed out.

* * *

Light speared through Elena's slumbering skull, the blond opening her eyes and groaning.

"Uhhh...stupid sun!" Something was beside her. Thinking she was at home, the blond grabbed it and snuggled with what she thought was her stuffed bear Mr. Poofy.

"Mr. Poofy, I just dreamed that Tseng kissed me on the lips. It was wonderful..." Elena said, sighing. She looked down then and saw her superior's head in her lap. The female Turk then looked around the room, not recognizing a thing.

Where was she? Why was Tseng in the bed with her? What was going on? All these thoughts and more raced through her head like Yuffie on a sugar high looking for Materia. They all came to a halt when Tseng groaned and opened his eyes.

"El-Elena...why are we in bed?"

"I don't know," she answered. Tseng absorbed this for a moment and Elena spoke once more. "Um...why haven't you left already?" He focused on her face as she asked this and gave her a smile.

"I...have feelings for you Elena. And I know that you might not reciprocate given my nature but I still- but whatever the Turk was going to say next was cut off by a pinky finger to his lips.

"I have feelings for you as well. I have for a very long time."

"So what's our next course of action?" Tseng asked.

He got his answer when she kissed him and even though Tseng had often dreamed of this very moment, it was better than even his most lucid of fantasies.

* * *

Reno was sitting at the table with Tifa, the pair eating breakfast, when Tseng and Elena came into the kitchen. Their hair was a bit messy and the two Turks moved closer together, Tseng wrapping an arm around Elena's waist.

"I suppose I should thank the both of you," Tseng said.

"There's no supposing for me. Thanks you guys," Elena said. The blond then led the Wutain away, both eager to spend some more time alone with each other.

"Looks like your plan worked babe," Reno said. Tifa gave an affirmative murmur and placed her hand on his.

"So...let's pair up Rude next."

"I know you've been looking for a new hobby Tifa, but matchmaking isn't- but Tifa shut her red head up with a fierce kiss.

He should know better than to try and dissuade Tifa from anything. It never worked.


	2. Chapter 2

Solving

AN: I own nothing in this story. This is for Queen Alla once more so enjoy! Please R&R.

Reno watched from the couch as Tifa paced back and forth, hand under her chin, brow furrowed deep in thought.

"Babe, we just got a new carpet and you're about to put a hole in it," the Turk joked. His wife looked at him then and her eyes narrowed. Holding up his hands, Reno sighed. "Alright, alright, stupid joke I know. But face it, who are you going to find for Rude? The guy talks maybe ten times out of the year and is very intimidating."

Suddenly, Tifa's face lit up with a smile so bright you could use it to read at night. Coming over to Reno, she kissed him deep on the lips.

"You just saved me a headache, thanks honey!"

Reno could only mumble incoherently.

Tifa's kisses usually had that effect on the man.

* * *

Around noon the next day Yuffie Kisaragi was walking towards the amusement park, a grin on her face and a tune on her lips. Her best friend Tifa had invited her for a day of fun. Mock saluting the giant mascot at the entrance, she saw Tifa, Reno, and Rude waiting for her.

"Hey you guys!" the ninja yelled. They waved back and as she approached, she noticed the smirk on Tifa's face. "What's so amusing Tifa?" The barmaid blinked a little at this and shook her head.

"Nothing Yuffie." Yuffie got closer and noticed something.

"Looks like marriage is agreeing with you, huh?" She then patted Tifa's slightly rounder belly, causing the fighter to blush.

"I guess...anyway I promised Reno we'd spend some time alone together but after that we'll meet up, okay?"

"I get it...you just want to make out in the Love Tunnel right?" Yuffie mimed gagging and laughed heartily.

"Have fun with Rude, alright?" And with that farewell, Tifa left, dragging her husband along.

Yuffie turned to the tall Turk then and cocked an eyebrow as she stared at his face.

"So...what should we go on first big guy?" Before Rude could reply though, Yuffie grabbed him by the arm and led him towards some rides.

Where she got the strength to do that, the bald Turk had no idea.

* * *

The fun house was first on the ninja's agenda and so Rude endured the jets of air that shot out of the pressure plates, the maze of mirrors, and the twisted architecture before coming to his least favorite aspect of all fun houses: the distorting mirrors.

Yuffie was already there, laughing her head off at her midget like reflection. Looking at Rude, she rubbed her stomach with one hand.

"Looks like I've been eating too much ice cream, right?" Rude didn't respond and walked down the line of mirrors, the stoic Turk becoming skinny, fat, diminutive, and finally a mixture of everything. "Would it kill you to smile?"

"I don't like fun houses," Rude replied. Yuffie looked at his face then and for a moment something that could be called a concerned expression flitted across her face. But it was just for a moment and she grinned widely a second later.

"Alright, I'll just have to find something to make you smile Lurch, got it?" She then stomped off, turning to him when he didn't immediately follow. "C'mon, it's not everyday you get the Guardian of Justice as your personal escort through the amusement park."

Rude followed after her, wondering just what he had gotten himself into by accepting Tifa's invitation to the theme park that day.

* * *

The two continued on their journey of enjoyment for the next hour. The roller coaster barely elicited a response from Rude while the White Rose of Wutai rushed towards the restrooms soon after. The bumper cars just gave him a headache but Yuffie enjoyed it, whooping and hollering like a madwoman. They had finally decided to rest on a bench near the bumper cars, Yuffie sitting as undignified as possible, head resting on one of his broad shoulders.

He didn't mind in the slightest.

They sat for several minutes in silence, taking in their surroundings, the laughter, and whooshing of the roller coasters close by. A blur passed them and Yuffie felt one of her many pockets get pinched. Turning her head swiftly, she saw a little kid rounding a corner.

"Why that little...c'mon Lurch, you're helping!" And Rude found himself dragged yet again by the ninja.

* * *

The little boy pressed his back against a booth and breathed a sigh of relief. He had managed to get away scot free. He was about to leave the park when a tall figure blocked his path. Before a word could escape his lips, he was tackled to the ground.

"Alright you little punk, you thought you'd just steal from me, huh?"

"Let go of me you old hag!" the kid yelled back. Rude could have sworn he saw steam escaping from Yuffie's ears and her face turned crimson.

"That's it you little brat, you're getting a noogie!" She then proceeded to do just that, the kid yelling with all his might. A crowd of onlookers had started to gather so Rude picked the both of them up by their shirts and separated them.

"Let me go Lurch!" Yuffie yelled.

"Calm down," Rude replied.

"But that- Yuffie started to say but then she took in the child's attire. His shirt was ragged and he had no shoes. He looked like he hadn't seen a bathroom in years. Rude lowered him to the ground and reached into his pocket. The child stared wide eyed at the five hundred Gil held out before him.

"Don't get caught next time." the kid nodded and took the money, quickly handing Yuffie back the measly pocket change he had nabbed. Then the boy vanished into the crowd. Rude stared after him for awhile with a faraway expression on his face. He was brought back by Yuffie poking his side.

"You know...you're a big softie on the inside," the ninja observed. Rude didn't respond right away and studied her face for a moment.

"You have wrinkles on your forehead." The Avalanche member pounced on him, ready to give him the mother of all noogies when he fell backwards. Landing on his back, Yuffie fell on top, their lips meshing together.

Breaking apart after their unexpected kiss, Yuffie's face was so amusing Rude wished he had a camera. After several moments though she blinked and rubbed the back of her head.

"Um...that was just an accident right? I mean you're handsome and everything but- however Yuffie was silenced by Rude kissing her full on the lips.

And the most surprising thing was that she was enjoying it.

The second time they broke apart Yuffie had a goofy grin on her face.

"Alright, let's just forget my previous statement, 'kay?" Rude nodded and as Yuffie looked down at him she noticed something.

He was smiling.

Taking in the sight for a moment, she smiled back and reached a hand towards his face.

"You know I always have wondered what color your eyes are," she whispered. Rude swiftly caught her hand and got to his feet. Moving away from Yuffie, the ninja was about to apologize for being so forward when Rude spoke.

"Catch me and I'll show you." And in a flash he was off. Yuffie grinned.

She'd give him a five second head start before she followed.

* * *

Reno stared as Tifa finished off her second burger, having already eaten her third pile of large fries. Not wanting to say something that could send him to the hospital, Reno opted for a more subtle approach.

"Aren't you full yet?" Tifa swallowed her last bite and wiped her lips with a napkin, cheeks pink.

"I wasn't exactly planning to tell you here but I can't wait anymore. Reno...we're going to be parents."

"I'm going to be a daddy?"

"Yeah...sorry about not- but Reno was suddenly picking her up and twirling her around.

"I thought you were just packing on the pounds," Reno said, the words slipping out. Tifa glared at him and Reno gulped. Putting her down quickly, he tugged at his collar. "Now babe, remember you're supposed to love me unconditionally."

"Oh but I do Reno...haven't you ever heard of tough love?" He took off then, running as if an army of Yuffie's on a sugar high were chasing him for his Materia.

Tifa laughed as she watched his retreating form, a hand rubbing her expanded belly as she gazed downward.

"Daddy's such a turkey, isn't he?"


End file.
